Death Dream

The other night I had an interesting dream... I died. I was struck by something that instantly vaporized my body. It happened so fast that I didn't feel any pain. But I was released from everything, having no bounds or limitations. I was aware, floating away from the world of form. My presence was strong- my body became formless, but it was full of energy, vibrating in the same way that any awake person who is "meditating" or staying in the present moment. But it was so much stronger than my usual attempts while awake, and I was fully illuminated in about a second.

This shows how dreams are not useless. They can be a means of spiritual awakening- if you start getting in the habit of staying present in your waking life, then you will probably do so on occasion while you are sleeping. I talked a little bit about my other dream experiences in past blog posts as well- this isn't the first time something like this has happened. I think it is easier to feel your presence in your dream, probably because dreams are lighter and seem less real.

Dreams can teach us things as well. In my dream I knew I died, but I was unafraid. I was content, calm, aware, and I ironically felt even more alive than before! I noticed that I became less afraid while awake than usual... I believed the same thing would happen to my if I were to truly die at any moment. Even if this wasn't true, being calm and unafraid of death is definitely worth it. It has helped me stay present and aware, and feel just as I did in my dream.

Strange Experiences

I haven't posted on this blog for a while, probably because much hasn't changed since then, in a spiritual sense. However, recently I've had some odd experiences.

A few days ago, as I was going to bed I was calm and laying down, in a somewhat state of presence. My legs and head were tingling because of my state of awareness. All of a sudden I felt energy moving throughout my whole body- it sorta felt like I was picked up off the bed. I felt aware of the area where my body was, but I couldn't feel any of my limbs or any specific parts of my body. It then felt like I was flying through space really quickly, like I was going somewhere. My eyes were closed, and it seemed like there were weird shapes around me, but I wasn't sure. All while this was happening, the only awareness of being where I was, laying on my bed, was hearing the sounds around me. The experience made me scared for a minute because it was so unlike any experience I had before. I thought I left my body.

Also, I've noticed that I have had dreams where I was experiencing the power of presence while I was sleeping. It was as if I was awake and meditating, except I was in a dream. Since dreams are a lot looser and less solid than the waking state, I would often start flying around- I also felt unstoppable, like I couldn't be affected or bothered by anything. I was unafraid and full of aliveness. This was a significant experience to me because it means that you can always be aware, even when you're dreaming.

Like Water

Complete relaxation is the key. Everything only truly functions if nothing has arisen- no resentment, no resistance, no regrets, no clinging, no attachment. Thoughts of any kind prevent utter relaxation. When I experienced this, what I did was I made sure there were not any subconscious feelings or thoughts that resisted what is happening right now. Those subconscious thought forms were trying to avoid the present moment- they were thoughts saying, "I want to be somewhere else, somewhere more exciting. There is nothing here that I want."

That thought is false. What I want is already here- I am just ignoring it as if it is not here. This is not something that I am saying in denial; I have let go of that voice of resistance and experienced my being suspended in bliss.

After reflecting on that experience, it reminded me of something Bruce Lee said:

Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

This is what it felt like. I emptied my mind, became formless, and I experiences what felt like complete flowing with the intensity of crashing. However, I have been able to experience this primarily before I go to sleep. I can imagine that this could become part of every moment in my life. For now, it is only a pointer to how things could be, or better put: how things really are already.

Surrender

I recently had an extraordinary experience. As I was going to bed, I gave up every effort to control and maintain my life. I surrendered. Pretty quickly I began to feel somewhat of a stream or flow of inexhaustible energy take over me. Whatever part of my body I relaxed completely, it would flow through. Once it took over my whole body and surroundings, I could no longer feel my body; only vaguely so. I raised my hand slowly without trying to abandon what felt like the Tao, I realized I was completely supported by it during movement of the body. I held my hand in the air above my chest, and I let go of control. My hand stayed in the same place, as if it was resting on something. It wasn't uncomfortable at all; it felt like I wasn't even attempting to suspend it in midair, but it was nevertheless. Very strange. I haven't had that experience for about a week, but it was unbelievable. I haven't really tried it again, but I surely will. All that is required to do that is to surrender everything- give up control of everything, and it will all fall into the hands of Being.

Religion's True Purpose

I have recently abandoned all ideas or concepts that are proposed by religions or other philosophies. However, this does not mean that the purpose of religion is false to start with. There is still some substance, some teaching that does not involve religious terms, but is present within every religion. And these teachings ring true. I have collected my five favorite quotes relating to five different religions, and when brought together, they are not at all contradictory. In fact, they seem to all come from the same source.

Ready to Die

Last night I had a dream that I encountered a criminal/psychopath in a canyon. We were all alone, and he became hostile. I think he was trying to kill himself. But I was confident that I could help him. I thought that I could solve the problem effortlessly. But he then pulled a knife on me, and pointed it at my throat. I remember feeling like I wasn't ready to die, like I couldn't face it. So I woke up from the dream, and I've been wondering why I felt uneasy and uncomfortable. Of course, no one wants to die, but it was a dream- I had some awareness of the fact that it wasn't real, but I still felt threatened. My dream showed me an underlying, subconscious fear that I carry with me at all times. I notice that it is actually the fear that makes me suffer- the pain itself of dying is nothing in comparison! In fact, I doubt that there is no pain if I am willing to die anyway. I've had other similar dreams of where I was going to die, and I would wake up and realize that I couldn't die.

The mind is quite interesting. After a while, the mind is revealed to be every world in existence, include the physical world, the dream world, and the dimensional world. It's all a manifestation. But it's interesting to use dreams to deal with your fears. You get to watch your reactions to your own creation. You get to see that you created the psychopath, and that you allowed it to make you afraid! It's a great feeling, but it's frustrating at the same time, because you're still suffering.

I now know that it is my problem for sure- that nothing can hurt me or make me suffer except for myself. I create the walls and the sharp objects and the paranoia! Therefore, I can rest. I can embrace my fears and my sickness, because I know I am its creator, its source of energy. I am ready to die, because I know that I am death. I am the killer and the victim. It is all a game, all a dream, and I am its author.

Faith/Hope is Useless

I've noticed that Christians use the words faith, hope, and love as essential aspects or virtues of their religion. For me, however, I see no use in any of them. They are all mind activities and artificial truths.

Faith:
The use of the word faith implies that one puts trust in God or in Christ. Those who have faith do so in order to make sure that they are protected by the Holy Trinity. "I have faith that God will guide me in the right direction." This seems necessary; people believe that we will not be able to function properly without the guidance of God. If there is no one to guide us, what will we do, right? If this is what you believe, you have lost your own center of power. You will give it all over to God and make assumptions about what God is doing. You will be God's slave, but you won't realize that you are actually doing this to yourself. That power that you think is God was actually created by you so that you could have faith in Him. You created God to make him do whatever you want him to do! Your presence is hidden or seemingly removed from yourself in order to simulate your idea of God! This means your faith is faith in your own system! Let go of all your concepts of faith in a higher power! You are the power! And your power is not is the higher power, but it is not above you, below you, nor separate from you! That power is no other than yourself and no other than anyone else!

Hope:
Hope is a very delusional concept. It brings in the idea of being positive, which is central in New Age teachings. Instead of being negative, you can be positive! Great! It's the other side of the coin! Anyway, hope obviously involves the future. It is the belief that something great is going to happen in the future... a positive change of some sort. This is quite a sad thing, because it is an attempt to be positive while overlooking the present. And when the present is ignored, that suggests that the present is undesirable or displeasing. Christians and other related religious groups are hoping that something great will happen later in their lives. By doing so, you are again overlooking your own presence! You are defining yourself as someone who is lacking something or is incomplete. And if you always have hope, you will always define yourself as incomplete! Everyone knows that even if our hopes come true, we still feel incomplete! Then we hope for something else. And it never ends, until we make the choice to be aware of our own existence, our own presence, our own wholeness.

Love:
This is the most controversial one. This is a virtue because everyone knows how it feels to be loved. No one wants to be hated. So we attempt to extend perfect love to others, in hope that we will be loved back. We want to be recognized. But again, this "need" to be recognized implies that we are incomplete! And so this love is not unconditional, because we expect love in return. The aim of the virtue itself blocks the follower from ever reaching unconditional love. Why? Because we need to get rid of the mind defining who we are as needing or afraid or weak. We have to let all ideas of ourself go so that we can let "love" appear as who we are. And then there is no need to love anyone else... we will all be revealed to be united, so there is no way that we could not love, since we are everyone, as one.

The problem with these virtues is that they are all mind created, and suppress the awareness of ourselves. All we need to "do" is to stop doing and allow ourselves to exist instead of trying to go somewhere else with who we are.